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The 8 Most Annoying Phrases in the English Language

August 25th, 2014 | No Comments | Posted in Fun Stuff

With all due respect: strike these insincere aphorisms from your lexicon, or you’ll be sorry at the end of the day. Thanks in advance!

1)

“Thanks in advance”

This demeaning management phrase, often accompanying some unwanted assignment, is the polite corporate way of saying, “You’d better do this terrible thing or I’ll eat your paycheck.”
Instead: Cut to the chase with, “I know you don’t want to do this… in advance.”

2)

“It is what it is”

This desperate filler phrase is a longer version of “whatever,” and a shorter version of “I have nothing helpful to contribute, but don’t want to stop talking yet.” Weakest. Advice. Ever.
Instead: Memorize this clever-sounding T.S. Eliot line: “If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?”

3)

“At the end of the day”

This perspective-seeking cliché sounds even worse than cousins “all in all” and “when push comes to shove,” particularly because it’s used at all hours of the day.
Instead: Say “ultimately” and you’ll sound more like a classy Bond villain instead of a 19th century factory worker.

4)

“With all due respect”

Almost always coupled with an insult or unsolicited advice, this phrase is a smarmier way to say, “Prepare to be disrespected.” Examples include: “With all due respect, you’re fired.”
Instead: Eliminate the preamble. If you’re going to say something that others might find offensive, just say it or keep quiet.

5)

“At this moment in time”

“I deserve a raise,” you say. “Not at this moment in time,” the boss replies. What an oddly philosophical way to murder someone’s dreams. It reminds us of that old business koan: “What is the sound of one redundant employee crying?”
Instead: Be honest. Rip off that bandage in one swift motion: “I’m sorry, but that is never going to happen.”

6)

“Just sayin’”

How illuminating. Thank you for clarifying that the thing you just said is a thing you are saying.
Instead: Show an ounce of empathy and ask, “Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

7)

“I, personally”

As opposed to “I, collectively?” Your redundant adverb just stole an extra second of life from everyone in the room. How do you, personally, feel about that?
Instead: Just say “I,” or, wear a T-shirt that reads “DISCLAIMER: The views expressed by this doofus do not reflect the views of society at large.”

8)

“YOLO”

“You Only Live Once” is mostly an excuse for doing something selfish, irresponsible, or dumb, but the act itself should be transgression enough. Don’t punish your friends with this insufferable abbreviation on top of it.
Instead: Before you speak or act a fool, remember: YODO, too.

By Brandon Specktor
Readers Digest

Student serenades random students in class for YouTube video

January 3rd, 2014 | No Comments | Posted in Fun Stuff

Ryerson University Film student Kyle Forgeard bursts into university lecture halls at the University of Toronto serenading girls, much to their embarrassment! Follow him on Twitter: @KyleForgeard

embedded by Embedded Video

YouTube Direkthttp://www.newsflare.com/video/7210/other/singing-love-songs-to-girls-during-university-lectures

http://www.newsflare.com/video/7210/other/singing-love-songs-to-girls-during-university-lectures

Gang violence escalates between Major Gifts and Annual Giving for control of the donation trade

March 19th, 2013 | No Comments | Posted in Fun Stuff
Metro Police say the street violence gripping the city is a war between rival fundraising gangs vying for control of the donation trade.

In the latest act of violence, a group of attackers believed to be members of the Major Gifts Crew wrecked a clubhouse belonging to leaders of the Annual Giving Gang last night. Four people were reported injured and several retail shops were damaged in the altercation. Since the street war between the two fundraising gangs began three months ago, more than 70 people have been hospitalized and 2 have made planned gifts in their wills earlier than they anticipated.

“This is a war. There’s lots of money on the street. And both of these gangs want to control the donation trade. It’s hard to say who will come up on top, but I know that there’ll be more blood on the street before this war is done,” said Police Chief Dibble Brewer.

The two gangs used to be part of the same organization. Rivalries between their leaders over who raised the most donations led to a falling out. The Annual Gifts Gang starting asking for donations of more than $10,000. The Major Gifts Crew countered by asking their larger donors to continue to make yearly donations. Violence soon began as fundraisers on both sides started asking the same people for money.

Both groups briefly united a few weeks ago to drive the Gala Events Tribe out of town. The Tribe’s plans for a mega-fundraising dinner was thwarted after the Crew and the Gang burned their themed-dinner decorations sets and roughed up their volunteer committee.

Metro Police have formed a special “Gangs & Donations” squad to combat the violence. They have begun targeting key leaders on both sides and raiding their headquarters. In the last week, more than 15 top fundraisers from both gangs have been arrested and 13 illegal fundraising operations have been closed. But Brewer says he expects the violence to continue.

Community leaders blame the easy money of fundraising and the glamour of the gang life.

“I know some of these boys and girls. They used to be so nice. They’d help you with your groceries and walk your dog for you,” said long-time community activist Semple Doggonico. “Then they got hooked on fundraising and overnight they turned into the people that only Satan could love. That’s what fundraising does to people.”

“These fundraisers have no decency, no morals. They’ll stop at nothing to get more donations than their rivals. Both sides are well armed with brochures and social media. I don’t see the violence subsiding any time soon,” said the Chief.

Police say the Major Gifts Crew appear to have the upper hand in the street war. The Crew has raised the most money. However, the Annual Giving Gang appears to have the bigger donor network.

Mayor Turner Snidely has called for an end to the violence and has introduced a new anti-fundraising-gang project designed for areas of the inner city. City Council has allocated more than $3.5 million for more athletic programs and pottery classes at local community centres.

“We’re hoping that we can keep these gang members off the streets with programs aimed at keeping them in community centres,” said Mayor Snidely. “We know that the street life of a fundraising gang can be very charming, but we hope they choose to do basket weaving instead. No one gets killed when you create a basket and you can put some real cool things in it.”

Non-Profit Humor

13 Funny Job Descriptions

October 29th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Fun Stuff

My job is to: Spend most of the day looking out the window.
– Pilot

Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic strip, asked visitors to his website to describe their job in one sentence. Here are some responses.
from readersdigest.com

U. of C.: Call us, maybe?

September 26th, 2012 | No Comments | Posted in Fun Stuff, Marketing, Offbeat News

The University of Chicago might not have made it onto the list of the nation’s “Top 20 Party Schools,” but the folks on the stately South Side campus want prospective students to know that they’re as hip to the latest jams as No. 4-ranked University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

This summer the university jumped on the “Call Me Maybe” bandwagon, sending out letters that use portions of the lyrics of the popular Carly Rae Jepsen song to those who inquire about admissions.

“We’re thrilled to hear that you’ve shown an interest in the University of Chicago,” the letter begins. Then it takes on a familiar tone. “I know that we just met you — and this is crazy — but here are our numbers:”

Viral videos of people lip-syncing the song are popping up everywhere. The U.S. Olympic swimming team made a video mouthing the words. So did the diving team. College sports teams and their mascots have gotten in on the action, as have former Secretary of State Colin Powell and a group of U.S. troops in Afghanistan.

Lest anyone think that the U. of C. is stepping outside its comfort zone to prove it’s not as stodgy as some might think, a university spokesman said, “That kind of wit is in the culture of this place.”

The letter makes it clear that while this might be a school with Nobel Prize winners currently on its faculty, it’s also known for some pretty fun stuff, like the annual scavenger hunt and its annual essay prompts devoted entirely to the fourth day of the week — Wednesday.

The letter ends with the popular question: ”So call us, maybe?”

College Dean John Boyer has said such expressions of wit reflect the university’s core values: “a disdain for dogma and conventionality, a compulsion to play with ideas and a high admiration for the arts of self-expression.”

The phones just might be ringing off the hook now.

Dahleen Glanton, Chicago Tribune reporter

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Should I Skip Class Calculator?

September 9th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Fun Stuff


Click to see if you should SKIP class today!

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iTunes U Downloads Top 300 Million

September 9th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Fun Stuff

In just over three years, iTunes® U downloads have topped 300 million and it has become one of the world’s most popular online educational catalogs. Over 800 universities throughout the world have active iTunes U sites, and nearly half of these institutions distribute their content publicly on the iTunes Store®. New content has just been added from universities in China, Hong Kong, Japan, Mexico and Singapore, and iTunes users now have access to over 350,000 audio and video files from educational institutions around the globe.

“iTunes U makes it easy for people to discover and learn with content from many of the world’s top institutions,” said Eddy Cue, Apple’s vice president of Internet Services. “With such a wide selection of educational material, we’re providing iTunes users with an incredible way to learn on their computer, iPhone, iPod or iPad.”

Created in collaboration with colleges and universities, iTunes U makes it easy to extend learning, explore interests or learn more about a school. A dedicated area within the iTunes Store (www.iTunes.com), iTunes U offers users public access to content from world class institutions such as Harvard, MIT, Cambridge, Oxford, University of Melbourne and Université de Montréal. iTunes U gives anyone the chance to experience university courses, lab demonstrations, sports highlights, campus tours and special lectures. All iTunes U content is free and can be enjoyed on a Mac® or PC, or wirelessly downloaded directly onto an iPhone®, iPod touch® and iPad™.

Apple designs Macs, the best personal computers in the world, along with OS X, iLife, iWork, and professional software. Apple leads the digital music revolution with its iPods and iTunes online store. Apple is reinventing the mobile phone with its revolutionary iPhone and App Store, and has recently introduced its magical iPad which is defining the future of mobile media and computing devices.

-CUPERTINO, California—August 24, 2010

Press Contacts:
Randi Wolfson
Apple
randi@apple.com
(408) 862-1225

Tom Neumayr
Apple
tneumayr@apple.com
(408) 974-1972

NOTE TO EDITORS: For additional information visit Apple’s PR website, or call Apple’s Media Helpline at (408) 974-2042.

Apple, the Apple logo, Mac, Mac OS, Macintosh, iTunes, iTunes Store, iPhone, iPod touch and iPad are trademarks of Apple. Other company and product names may be trademarks of their respective owners.

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Fund Raisers

August 23rd, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Cartoons
lacy-cartoons

5 Essential Apps for Your Business’s Facebook Fan Page

June 15th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Fun Stuff, Social Media

If you’ve already searched for some Fan Page inspiration and undertaken the task of building a custom landing page for your business’s Facebook presence, you may now be in the market for some features that will further engage your fans.

A nice feature of the modern social web is that it’s modular. You can plug in and customize pre-made pieces of software (often created by other users or companies), and mix and match what works best for you without a lot of technical know-how. Facebook works the same way with apps.

Many Facebook apps are built for casual use, like the social games and quizzes you may see your friends using in their personal feeds. But there are quite a few apps that are ideal for a business Fan Page. These are useful for customizing your page with greater detail, showcasing your content from other social sites and getting more information from your customers. Here are five essential Facebook apps that your business may want to take for a spin.


1. Static FBML for Your Page Sidebar

We’ve already discussed how the Static FBML app can be used to make your Fan Page a unique destination. But this versatile plugin can also bring some interactivity to the column that appears on the left-hand side of your page.

Vertical, left-hand navigation is something users expect to find on most websites. They will be comfortable looking there for additional links, promotions and contact details. Moving a Static FBML box over to the left-hand column is a great way to exploit this valuable real estate. Here’s how to do it.

If you haven’t already done so, add the app to your Fan Page and make sure it’s functioning as a “Box” rather than a “Tab.” Add content to your box using standard HTML. Graphics cannot be uploaded to Facebook here, so you must reference them from a URL — likely one on your own hosted website or blog.

For a sidebar, think about adding some clean graphic buttons or icons that link out to other destinations your fans would be interested in, such as your company website, blog or Twitter (Twitter) account. This sidebar will be visible no matter what Fan Page tab your visitors are on, so consider using graphic elements that coincide with your existing logo and color scheme.

Facebook Wall Tab ImageOnce your content is added and saved, it will appear as a box on the “Boxes” tab. Head over there to ensure that your HTML has rendered properly. If so, click the “Pencil (Pencil)” in the top-right corner of the box and select “Move To Wall Tab.” This will display your content in the left-hand navigation of your page.

Facebook Wall Tab Image


2. Promotions

Promotions Facebook ImageContests and giveaways are a great way to engage people with your brand, especially on the social web. A chance at some free stuff is one of the top reasons people follow and friend brands in the first place. The Promotions app makes it easy to build and publish a contest on Facebook in a way that is inherently social and shareable.

Promotions is different from many Facebook apps in that the content you create for it lives on the developer’s website. This makes it a versatile tool, but you’ll have to sign up for a free account at wildfireapp.com.

Once you create an account and connect the registered app to Facebook, the promotions you generate on WildFire will populate the tab on your Fan Page. Promotions are easily built through a step-by-step process. Provide the dates of the contest, the types of prizes, the fields for the entry form, specific parameters about contest entry and rules, and upload any additional artwork you want to include.

wildfire preview imageA nice advantage of having contest data centralized on WildFire is that it can be sourced out to other social networks, and even to your own company website. Any changes or additions you make to your promotions will dynamically update on all of the locations where your customers and fans find you on the web.

Note, the cost to publish a basic promotional campaign through Wildfire is $5, plus $.99 for each day the campaign is active. Additional packages with more customization and publishing options are available.


3. Social RSS

Social RSS App ImageIf you already have great content from your company’s blog or another social network that you’d like to bring to the fore of your Facebook presence, Social RSS is a smart tool.

You can configure this app to automatically pull in updates from any RSS or ATOM feed and display them as posts on your Fan Page, either on a dedicated tab, a wall tab (on the left side) or as part of your core news feed. It’s a useful way to automate your content and eliminate the need to republish things manually to your Facebook Page.

Take note, however, that fans on social networks are much more responsive to curated content. Especially on Facebook, where people connect to a smaller community of personal friends and family, an unfiltered pipeline of RSS content may not be welcome in all news feeds. If your core customers are already subscribed to your blog and other social accounts, a double-dose of the same exact content may trigger some to hide your updates or “un-fan” you. Consider relegating your Social RSS feed to a tab if this is the case.

Test where and how an app like Social RSS is best implemented on Facebook, and adjust as needed depending on the size and response of your audience.


4. Poll

Facebook Poll App

Sometimes you just need a little feedback. That’s what social engagement is all about, right?

On Facebook, it doesn’t get any simpler than the Poll app. There’s no account to sign up for. Once you connect it to your Page, all the setup and data lives right in your settings panel.

A poll can be a casual way to get a read from your fans about a new product, a new page design, or your business in general.

In the poll settings, simply name your burning question (What do you think of our new spicy burritos?), list your choices (Delicious (Delicious), Pretty Tasty, Needs Work, Offensive) and select your publishing options.

Polls can be published to your Page wall/feed, live on a custom tab or be popped into your left-hand navigation where visitors can click anytime they come to your Page. You can invite your friends to take a poll, and they can easily share it out as they would any other post or app. Both you and your visitors can see the poll results without leaving Facebook.

Publishing a weekly poll about new products or changes in your industry is a great way to keep fans coming back to your Page and talking about your brand.


5. YouTube for Pages

YouTube for Pages AppIf creating video content is part of your business’s social media strategy (and we recommend it should be) you can squeeze more views out of your productions by dedicating a Fan Page tab to your YouTube channel.

That’s exactly what the YouTube for Pages app does. To activate the app, you’ll have to set up a free account at the developer website involver. Once it’s connected to your Fan Page, simply input the YouTube channel you’d like to pull videos from (it could be your own or anyone else’s), pick a few more settings, and you’re all set.

The app “features” your most recent upload or favorite, and displays thumbnails for previous videos on a simple, clean interface. The videos play directly on Facebook of course, so fans can watch without ever leaving your Fan Page. Just be sure to add the tab in the app’s “Application Settings.”

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Gasp! My Server Went Down

May 19th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Cartoons

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